Once,there was a little girl called charlie.One stormy day at the park she started to walk home whn a bunch of teenage girls started to annoy her and trip her over.When she got home she ran all the way up the stairs to her bedroom she looked at her knees and her hand they were coverd in blood she didnt want show her mam or dad.The next day her mam got her dressed whe she saw the marks she was devestated she said "who did this" charlie replied "these teenagers" when her mam found the teenagers in park she told them off and then the teens said sorry and promised not to do it again
what a upsetting story.
maybe you could correct some spelling.
before posting it next time.
maybe you could correct some sentences so it makes a bit more sense.
keep up the good work.
from grace :)
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Lucia
22/11/2012 11:37:31 pm
Sad story lea, but be cearful! The spelling is very important!
Charlie did the sensible thing in telling her mother. It's always best to let an adult know if you're being bullied as you so rightly point out. As the others have said, you need to read through to check typing mistakes and punctuation.
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Mr Temple
25/11/2012 12:40:25 am
A scary story - I hope it was from your imagination, not real life. You have used sentence openers well to link the sentences.
You are good at spelling, so I think the errors are 'typos'. Remember to read through your work at the end as the world is watching!
Hi,Olivia! I realy like your story about Poor Charlie. Just remember capital letters for names! Overall,a realy good story!!!!! Becky
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Martine
29/11/2012 07:06:45 am
good story. Do you like writing stories?
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Olivia
2/12/2012 11:28:26 am
no not really :)
Martine
31/1/2013 01:01:53 pm
Its not good, it is fantastic.
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We are Year 6 at Tanfield Lea Community Primary School, a primary school in County Durham who want to broaden our horizons and to show the world what we have to offer. We are using this blog to explore web design, write creatively and as a wider audience for the class' talents!
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