An excellent opening, which set the drama up well! I like your use of ly words and use of an exclamation mark.
It would be even better if it had more full stops as I ran out of breath towards the end. Remember when typing to read it back and put a full stop when you stop for a good breath.
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We are Year 6 at Tanfield Lea Community Primary School, a primary school in County Durham who want to broaden our horizons and to show the world what we have to offer. We are using this blog to explore web design, write creatively and as a wider audience for the class' talents!
We are very keen for links with other schools, both in the UK and internationally. Please contact us via the comments boxes!
Our topic for the Autumn term is the Normans, looking at the architecture, sources and impact of the Norman Conquest of Britain.