100 Word Challenge by Adam

12/10/2013

I'm here on the plane that is going to take me 33,000 feet in the air and 4,367 miles east to Hong Kong, to see what life is like there. I look out of the window as we are going over Thailand, I see something really scary! Looking down, I was surprised to see a tsunami crashing into a small village, where people are running for their lives. Our plane is starting to bump up and down. Some people think we are crashing, some people think we are going to be fine! I think we are going to be fine too. The pilot is tells us, unfortunately we are crashing down into the sea..

4 Comments

Mr Temple

13/10/2013 12:21:57 pm

What a scary tale! I definitely want to know what will happen next.

Normally, a story is written in the past tense, but you have used both past and present. Read it back and see how it sounds in just the past tense.

Great effort this week!

Adam

16/10/2013 04:08:50 am

I was there on the plane that was going to take me 33,000 feet in the air and 4,367 miles east to Hong Kong, to see what life was like there.

Mr Connor - Team 100wc link

14/10/2013 12:43:38 pm

Hi Adam,

This is a very scary 100wc. I am not a fan of flying and this has brought back memories of being afraid during flights. Luckily for us, this kind of thing is very rare!

As Mr Temple says, the mix-up in tense is what I would suggest looking at next. Other than that, you have very good structure to your writing and you should be very pleased.

Keep writing,

Mr Connor
Team 100wc

Nathan

16/10/2013 04:24:54 am

I liked you're 100 wc because I like how you were describing how hie you were it wloud be even better if you put a little bit more in but I think it was grate .

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