100 Word Challenge

19/9/2012

…. looking behind me, I saw …

You have 100 words plus the 5 in the prompt. Really think hard about the words you use and don’t forget to make your pieces as exciting and creative as possible.

Remember this is a good opportunity to practise the following:

Openers with commas
Connectives (because, thus, consequently, however, which/who)
A range of punctuation ( ) “ ”
Including questions
Proofreading when you are finished for capitals and punctuation

The world is watching. We now have viewers from 25 different countries and they want to see YOUR writing!

Note: Please also leave comments on 2 of your friends’ work online, so we all get feedback.

37 Comments

Mr Temple

19/9/2012 05:46:43 am

It was a cold, blustery day at the beach, the kind of day you wished you weren't there, the kind of day you wish you were doing something warmer! Dragging my heels behind my family who were trying to make the most of the typical British weather, I was muttering and wishing I could be at the cinema watching Titanic in 3D. "It's going to be a real adventure," they had claimed. "And in 3D too!" Can you imagine how interesting it would be to watch the ship sinking in 3D? Suddenly, I heard a muffled moan, like a lost sheep bleating, from the far horizon. I twisted my body towards it and, ... looking behind me, I saw .... an ocean liner in trouble! Its bow was raised at an unnatural angle and its side had a gash, like when I had fallen on broken glass. "This truly is my adventure, and in more than 3D...." I thought to myself as I sprinted through the heavy sodden sand.

Miss Hemmings

24/9/2012 02:13:34 pm

I'd love to read more of this Mr Temple - I bet your family couldn't believe their eyes... or could they see it? What I think is particularly effective is your first sentence with the repetition - 'the kind of...'

Chantelle

19/9/2012 02:36:32 pm

I was running though the woods and in front of me there was darkness. there was a evil noise behind me i ran as fast i could to get out of site. it followed me all the way through the woods. i didnt turn a round i was petryfied i didnt want to peak over my shoulder. what was behind me? Dont know what got my attention. but all it was was a scary looking bat. thet flew over my head and gave me a cold scary shiver down my shivering cold spine. I turned my head only a tiny bit to see if the scary bat was behind me.I screamed as loud as i can for my mam however i was so far away she couldnt hear me.The bat all of a sudden turned in to a blood sucking vampire that was running as fast as a cheater.My mam came looking for me shouting my name(CHANTELLE) there was silance in the dark damp forrest.It was turning mid night by that time my mam phoned durham police they said dont worry we will find her as soon as possibe.Chantelle started to scream for her mam and her mam heard her just say wasnt very good.The scary looking vampire disappered in thin air.Chantelles mam went sprinting to her and gave her a massive cuddle.There wasnt just chantelle out who got captured by the blood sucking vampire. there was her best mate casey who noticed that the vampire was gone!

Bethany W

20/9/2012 09:52:35 am

I was out with my best friend called Sophie in the woods singing then all of a sudden Sophie said nervously "Did you here that it sounded like someone was repeating what we just sang but in a ecoing voice?"then I replied "It's probally just our voices ecoing through the woods" Then Sophie said "But it was really deaper then our's".Then i suggested "We should sing again see if what you said is real so shall we I think we should?" "I don't know and i've got a bad feeling about this but let's give it a try," replied Sophie anxshusly.So we both sang one verse of the song.Sophie went first "Baby,Baby,Baby ohh like Baby,Baby,Baby noo like Baby,Baby,Baby ohh i thought you always be mine,mine"Sang Sophie then it was my turn but i sang a diffrent song"I'm at a payphone trying to call home all off my change i spent on you where has the times gone baby it's all wrong where are the plans we made for two"I sang.Then Sophie whispered"Im really scared are you?" "Yes I am" I also whispered.Then at that split second there was a voice which was whispering a tune it went like this "I'm right behind you hind you hind yeah like behind you hind you hind you yeah like behind you hind you hind you yeah look right back now,now" So me and Sophie held hands and gently turned round and right in the distance there was a white figure me and Sophie turned and looked at each other with worried faces on then we looked back and the figure had seemed to dissapear out of our eyes. Then we heard the voice again but this time it whispered "look the other side this time" and the figure was there we seemed to scream so loud we nearly fainted so then me and my Best friend ran as fast as we could untill the figure was out off sight then i looked behind and the figure had gone then we started running again but the figure shot right in front off us.We were so scared.We started to panic a lot however there was a old house right next to us so it was the path way to a ghost or to a lovley house where there might be a telephone to ring our Mam's or Dad's."Hey Sophie you wan't to go in that old house because it's better then a path way to a creepy ghost?" I said "Yes if it means to get away from that ghost for at least a couple of minutes it's creeping me out"Sophie explained.So we entered the old house quickly before the ghost see's us.We was in the old house and the door slammed all of a sudden so we screamed out so loud that we could here my self think.Then there was a knock at the door should i open it or not...?

Mr Temple

24/9/2012 02:48:47 pm

Bethany, you write with lots of imagination. You have used the echo idea, together with a spooky song to create a terrifying effect. Well done! Your punctuation is coming on well, with only a few 'i's instead of I.

Don't forget next time to include the 5 words from the prompt.

olivia

27/9/2012 10:17:57 am

brilliant bethany but a few spelling mistakes but very good

Amy

7/10/2012 01:26:32 pm

Great bethany is that your homework very well done because i know it looks more than 100 but is it but very good i like the bit that you and sophie started to sing and then you herad a echo singing the same song as you great

Mrs Henderson

20/9/2012 02:21:38 pm

Well done Chantelle, this is a smashing piece of writing. You have asked a question and used some nice vocabulary. I especially like the sentence ' gave me a cold scary shiver down my shivering spine' ~ great alliteration! Don't forget your apostrophes when you shorten words.

Amy Simons

23/9/2012 05:44:28 am

hi Chantelle a few mistake with your spelling but fantastic words in there like screamed but very well done Chantelle.

hollie

23/9/2012 08:30:58 am

Next to darkness you forgot a cap

Miss Hemmings

24/9/2012 02:18:55 pm

Some lovely descriptive writing Chantelle. I love the opening, it has pace, it made me feel frightened. You then throw in the question which is really effective. Watch at the end as you go from 1st person to 3rd person - can you see where this happens? I think you just lost your concentration.

ebony

1/10/2012 10:05:38 am

i am have finnished my extra work but mr temple has not told me to do it i just thought that it would be a good thing to do because i never new some facts about WW2 wich is what i have done extra work about i enjoy haveing 100 persent atendense. i really have a good time in this school i enjoy the teachers and can you tell them that i said they are the best and i enjoy haveing them and i will never want to have a different teacher but i am sad that i will be leaving to go to year 7

ebony

1/10/2012 10:07:37 am

i really enjoy reading it i want to read more about it you can't leave me waiting for it .PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME WAITING....

Shannon-Jo link

20/9/2012 08:32:06 am

hiya mr temple, could you please post the web adresses of some of year 6 pupils' websites? i would love to check them out and maybe add a comment x

Mr Temple

20/9/2012 12:48:53 pm

Hi Shannon, we are just in the process of setting up emails and websites and we will share our websites when they're published.

Thanks for continuing to show such an interest.

hollie frame

20/9/2012 09:49:52 am

I was sitting the house and i was reading my book but suddnley a big huge red eys were stearing in my windo

Amy Simons

23/9/2012 05:31:16 am

Yesterday me and my friends were wandering around looking for a cat that had been missing since Tuesday. looking behind me, I saw a couple of cats and I shouted of my friends come quick I have found a couple of cats which were underneath a near by parked car they came running over to me and we had to lie on the ground to get a better look at the cats which unfortunately were not hers. Also she had a couple of pictures of them and we all went round knocking on peoples doors asking if they`d seen him but nearly everyone that answered said if I see it I will let you know.

Mr Temple

24/9/2012 02:51:30 pm

I wonder what happened to those cats - did they turn up safely? Well done for using the writing prompt and a real life situation. You have added excellent sandwich sentences using 'which'.

It would be even better if you put speech marks around the words people say.

A good 100WC this week!

millie

23/9/2012 09:15:52 am

It was a cold dark night; it had just struck midnight and in the distance and howling was heard. Me and my 4 friends Jodie, Katie, Caitlin and Ella wandered through the woods looking for somewhere to go and stay for the night. After a while they came across a huge dark house with a huge dark gate. The sign outside said “FREE B&B.” not known what was going on we went over and tried to open the gate. The gate wouldn’t budge. Out of the corner of one eye Caitlin noticed that there was a huge pad lock with a huge chain going around the gate. Jodie started to walk around the gate looking for a way to get in. After a few minutes Jodie appeared on the other side of the gates. we all went and looked for a way in and after they got in they walked over to the doors. Ella whispered to Me “This aint a good idea ya know!”
“Oh stop being such a scared cat!” I replied. Thunder started to vibrate the land, lighting struck and heavy rain fell. I rang the doorbell. 5 minutes later the doors automatically opened and we entered. Jodie all of a sudden shouted “WE WANNA ROOM GIV IS ONE NOW!”
“Shut up you idiot!” whispered Caitlin. We started walking up the stair case. Not knowing where to go we started walking over to a room when suddenly a huge bang came from the nearest hall way. Ella started to panic and wanted to turn back, but Katie told her to keep going. The bang happened again and again until it just stopped. I started to walk over to the door to get into the hall way. Jodie followed and then Katie and then Caitlin. Ella hanged back when I popped my head from behind the door and told her to hurry up. We slowly walked through the hall way when… looking behind us, we saw… tall black figure. He was next to the light switch up the other end of the hall way. Suddenly the lights when off for 5 seconds then back on. I looked back and the figure was gone. Then the lights went back off. we stud in darkness for ages. Then the lights came back on. Written with red pen on the walls it said…
… Your dead your dead, turn back and be safe keep going and die. The started to walk forward some more when Ella asked “can we not just stay here please?”
“N-O spells NO!!!!!” replied Katie.
“Ugh fine then!” answered Ella. Then loud noises came from the next room. Me, Jodie and Caitlin wanted to see what it was but Ella had already turned back and ran out. Then we ran after her. We got out of the B&B and ran home. When we got there, there was 5 cups of hot chocolate back at home so we sat down and forgot everything that happened in this night.

Mrs Ovington

24/9/2012 12:09:08 pm

Millie, I was frightened just reading your story - well done!

Mr Temple

24/9/2012 02:54:47 pm

Who was that tall stranger? You have worked very hard at this; although you have done much more than the 100 words, it is well punctuated and you have tried hard to contrast natural speech with your voice as the writer.

My favourite sentences are: Thunder started to vibrate the land, lighting struck and heavy rain fell. I rang the doorbell. The description contrasts with your simple action, although I think I would be running away.

Terrific job!

Olivia

27/9/2012 10:09:46 am

very good Millie it sounds really scary but also very funny i would love to be there with you to best one yet

hallie

23/9/2012 09:43:35 am

One cold midnight I was sitting in my house watching tv and drinking cola, Suddnley a big thunder storm blasted on the sater light, my cat and dog hid under the table.
When the lights turnd of a huge light green eye was getting closer and closer towards me. The lights came on 2 minutes later, in a flash the green eye was gon... The next day I told my friends about lastnight and they didn't belive me, I told my family but they didn't belive me to but someone did my mam. I explained to her about last night half way thrugh my dad buted in and said "thats silly there is no manster hiding in you're house" YES THERE IS! I shouted to my dad, GO TO YOU'RE ROOM NOW! he yelled at me. No I won't I am a full grown waman so I left and gon to KFC and orded when suddnley an old man came in with a gun and hell it to my four head, one of the counters phoned 999 and they came over.

Miss Hemmings

24/9/2012 02:25:31 pm

You'll have to help me Hallie - who are you?
I think your writing grabs the reader at the beginning - it's a descriptive opening sentence. Then what an imagination - a huge green eye, which then mysteriously disappears.
From that point onwards you get a bit carried away. I'd have kept the story going with the eye rather than introducing more things. Aren't you supposed to use the phrase in your story too. A few have missed it out.

Mr Temple

24/9/2012 02:57:34 pm

Hi Hallie, are you from Miss Witherspoon's class? You have written in a horror / sci fi style. I wonder where the green eye came from? My favourite line was "in a flash the green eye was gon..."

It would be even better if you used the writing prompt in your writing.

Well done for joining in!

Amy

7/10/2012 01:33:43 pm

Well done hollie great story i think there is a lot of imagination there i think i am scared i might look out my bedroom window before i go to bed i am lucky my bedroom window isn`t open but wouldn`t it be really freaky in the middle of the night when i was snoring when i was asleep or something and it opened my window and jumped in and it was still morning and it was only a person dressed up i think i am going to have night mares tonight but really good hollie and by the way you writ for your name hallie not hollie ok just to let you know before this changes into a story not a reply (amy laughs her head out)

Niall

23/9/2012 10:25:55 am

I was finally in the place I always wanted to be Cadbury World in Birmingham looking behind me I saw a giant machine the guide said that is where the chocolate is made I spent at least 10 minutes watching the chocolate go through the machine when I turned around everyone had gone I shouted WHERE ARE YOU!? no one replied I sprinted in one direction I was determined to get my free sample I came to a room enter if you dare ...

Mrs Ovington

24/9/2012 12:11:21 pm

Have you been to Cadbury's World Niall? There really is a room where you can see the chocolate being made - you would be in heaven because I know how much you like chocolate!

Mr Temple

24/9/2012 03:00:01 pm

Niall, you have written with imagination. I would love to see a giant chocolate machine too.

I was breathless reading your writing because there are no full stops. Although in class, we say 2 or 3 lines of writing need a full stop, with typed work it is probably only a line or two. How many full stops do they think you need?

Olivia

23/9/2012 12:26:34 pm

There i was in the deep dark woods all by myself, the trees swaying side to side and the bushes rustling along with the owls hooting. It was -2o all i had on is a vest top and a skirt with some sandels because i had been to the beach earler on that day. I had ended up in these never ending woods, trying to find a short cut home because i had missed the bus. My phone had ran out of batteries so i couldn't phone home i do not know if my parents are home or out jus then i heard a rustle and a someone shouting my name i started to run but i saw 2 dark shaddows following me i stopped and screamed, 'what do you want?' and then they said ' dont be scared its us, your parents!' then they lived happily ever after.

Mr Temple

24/9/2012 03:02:34 pm

You have written a scary story, full of atmosphere at the start with its great opening: "There i was in the deep dark woods all by myself, the trees swaying side to side and the bushes rustling along with the owls hooting."

The 'happily ever after' ending didn't quite match. Remember with 100wc you can leave the ending on a cliff hanger. Also, i should be I (use the shift button, please).

Ben (via Mr Temple)

24/9/2012 08:37:34 am

Ben, this was pasted on a different blog post, so here it is pasted into this week's challenge:

One day I was taking my dog Willow for a walk in Harperley woods. Willow was running in the woods like a Looney chasing birds, sniffing out scents, playing with other dogs and most refreshing, most fun of all, swimming in the gushing stream. Then I took her up into the farmers field were she ran around faster and more franticly than ever before. But then, without warning, she stopped as still as stone. "Willow!" I shouted, she was ignoring me, then she darted away, as fast as light, out of sight. I went after her but she had vanished. I ran home as quickly as possible to alert my parents, but as soon as I stepped onto the drive I heard panting, looking behind me I saw Willow standing there with a dead rabbit at her feet. "Come on then you daft dog," I said relieved.

(This story is not true)

Mrs Ovington

24/9/2012 12:14:56 pm

I'm so pleased Willow was safe Ben. I liked the rhyming of 'as fast as light, out of sight'

Mr Temple

24/9/2012 11:31:38 pm

This is becoming the 'Weekly Adventures of Willow' blog! Terrific use of descriptive language. I liked the sentence that Mrs Ovington picked out, but also "But then, without warning, she stopped as still as stone."

Looney is quite a colloquial term - could you use a thesaurus to find a different phrase? What about 'frenzied beast'?

Miss Hemmings

24/9/2012 02:39:53 pm

I'd been dreading this day for so long, so much so that I really thought, or maybe hoped, it would never come. It was Friday. It was the end of the week, but more than that, it was the end of my time at Tanfield Lea Primary School. We'd had our celebration assembly, we'd laughed and cried! The visit to the park was great fun too, the sun actually shone and we all enjoyed our time there, having fun together. But now it was 3.15. The hustle and bustle in the corridor had begun and soon the school would be quiet, another year over, another summer just beginning. That afternoon I made sure I was last out of the classroom. Looking behind me, I saw the familiar displays; displays I'd contributed to. However, what struck me most were the empty chairs, chairs that we had used throughout the year, now empty and waiting for their new friends. Happy memories of my time at school flashed through my mind. I smiled, pulled the door to and headed out - on to my next adventure.

Shannon-Jo link

29/9/2012 01:18:43 am

Hi Miss Hemmings. I've read your peice of writing! it is very good, despite being very sad! I started filling up half way through..
You've been a great head misteress and we've had our good and bad times together xx

Mr Temple

27/9/2012 10:26:18 am

A positive comment Olivia. Perhaps pick out 2 words to spell differently.

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Year 6's view on the World