This is amazing! I actually think this is the best one in the class well done! plus there is nothing that i would do to edit it.You left me wondering about these questions.
Why did u run home?
What did the turtle do?
Good work Alyssa!
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Mr Temple
8/10/2013 01:50:34 pm
Thank you for your comment Rose. Great questions about the story.
Don't forget: you not u!
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Mr Temple
8/10/2013 01:52:57 pm
I enjoyed your story, Alyssa, as always. You have cut down the number of words effectively without impacting negatively on the plot of your tale. I liked suspicious and description of the turtle waddling.
Your sentences with 'as' need commas - can you see where?
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Cailen(Year 6)
9/10/2013 01:02:13 pm
Wow what a brilliant piece of writing was amazing! I loved your ... in your writing and the way you said goosebumps I thought it was a brilliant way how to describe that you couldn't leave. If you could have you should have used a ? if you could. But everything else was astonishing.
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We are Year 6 at Tanfield Lea Community Primary School, a primary school in County Durham who want to broaden our horizons and to show the world what we have to offer. We are using this blog to explore web design, write creatively and as a wider audience for the class' talents!
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Our topic for the Autumn term is the Normans, looking at the architecture, sources and impact of the Norman Conquest of Britain.