Remembering 100WC: Adam

16/11/2013

It's the start of the battle and I'm frozen to the spot as I hear the whistling approaching. I try to run, but I am too scared, with the smell of smoke in my nostrils and the scream of machine gun fire in the air.
“Incoming,” screams Jack. I feel something hit me and knock the air out of me like stuffing from a rag doll. Wind brushes past my face and mud fills my mouth and nostrils. Then Jack is lying on top of me in a trench and shouting to “stay down!”. I will always be remembering jack!

Thank you for remembering the people who took up there own time to serve there country in war!

4 Comments

Mr Temple

16/11/2013 06:23:30 am

Adam, you have worked really hard on your LTT to use much more ambitious vocabulary. Really well done! I particularly liked the image of machine guns 'screaming'.

Although a narrative like this is usually written in the past tense (It was the start of battle.....etc.), your use of the present tense is consistent and makes the reader feel like they are there!

Can you see the homophone spelling in the last sentence which needs changing?

Adam

16/11/2013 10:42:33 am

sorry Mr Temple it should be their instead of there.

Martine

9/12/2013 09:41:06 am

very interesting paragraph well done.

Mrs. Politowski Team 100WC

18/11/2013 06:10:29 am

This is a fabulous entry for the 100 word challenge. Your choice to use present tense throughout made me feel like I was there, just as your teacher said. I love that you included that last line too. (Don't tell, but I didn't notice the spelling mistake until I read your teacher's comment. I think I was too wrapped up in reading your powerful story!) Keep up the superb writing.

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.

Year 6's view on the World