Once, there was a little girl named Anne. One day she was walking to school when a group of tall girls appeared from nowhere. They started calling Anne names and pushing her. After that they took her school bag of her and emptied it all over the ground. She started to cry and ran up to school. When she got there all her friends were very concerned and told her to go to the head teacher. When she told the teacher her story the teacher got the girls and told them off for bullying. he made them apologise and promised never to do it again.
23/11/2012 03:54:46 pm
i realy like it
25/11/2012 12:46:07 am
A well-told story with a powerful message at the end. The phrase 'appeared from nowhere' is effective. Remember, one of your targets is commas with When openers. Read, breathe, then put your comma!
25/11/2012 07:38:56 am
What a great story with a good message Millie. It is really important to tell someone when you are being bullied and your character did the right thing. Your story writing is super. I think it could be even better by thinking about separating clauses with a comma. You could experiment with lots of different types of punctuation.
28/11/2012 12:59:52 am
I like the way you started your 100wc because you started it with once...
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