Great work Cailen
I like how you used very existing openers.
I love how you have short sentences.
I think you can make your story better if you have. Mexican wave waving there flippers.you should of used. Mexican wave waving there flippers!
I think your really good at using punctuation because you have openers with a commer after them.
Keep up the good work
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Jane Hewitt
6/10/2013 08:53:41 am
What an interesting story? A Mexican wave of orange tortoises is very imaginative! I wonder how they got there and what happened to them? (Just remember it would be 'their flippers' not 'there') well done for using all of the prompt words.
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Mr Temple
6/10/2013 03:05:07 pm
Great story, Cailen. You have focussed hard on using your openers and a range of punctuation.
Perhaps your final sentence could use a Despite to contrast the effort of flipping the turtle with the fact it looked funny. Try posting your Despite sentence below!
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Cailen
16/10/2013 04:16:28 am
Despite he was so heavy, I managed to flip him over!
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Cailen
16/10/2013 04:25:35 am
Despite him being heavy, I managed to flip him over!
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Drew
7/10/2013 02:11:34 am
Hi Cailen, it's Drew from school.
I really liked all of the openers you used however, you could have used a wider variety of them.
If you wanted to improve your work you could have used paragraphs or even some exclamation marks. You could have also added a few more commas in the middle of your sentences
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