Really good work
I really like your story
But your story will be better if you have commers because you have put existing openers but you haven't put commers after the openers but apart from that it's amazing story. Kept up the good work 🚦👩👍
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Blodwen(team 100)
5/10/2013 03:27:06 am
Are you thinking of Christmas already Rose? I like the way you have linked the words and varied the length of your sentences but read your story out loud and put a comma or full stop when you need a breathe.
I like the drama "Suddenly I heard a bang" and you ? ending. Well done.
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Mr Temple
7/10/2013 03:08:48 pm
An entertaining Santa story. I really liked how you have used lots of -ing clauses which contrast well with your short, snappy ending.
As Blodwen said, take care with commas and also capitals in the wrong places! Great work though.
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We are Year 6 at Tanfield Lea Community Primary School, a primary school in County Durham who want to broaden our horizons and to show the world what we have to offer. We are using this blog to explore web design, write creatively and as a wider audience for the class' talents!
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Our topic for the Autumn term is the Normans, looking at the architecture, sources and impact of the Norman Conquest of Britain.