100WC Homework : Snowflakes

23/1/2013

Describe a snowflake or some other
wintry scene.    Think
about your senses: sight, sound, touch, taste and your feelings.

Try to use similes:
as …………….. as

like a ……………………………..

Remember: Although it is
descriptive, still use openers (WAI) etc.

Show the world what a great writer you
are!

23 Comments

Chantelle

23/1/2013 12:30:18 pm

One morning I woke up and looked out of by window and what did I see all I saw was the ground white with snow it was like clouds on the ground.I got dressed and ran out side to run around it was cold as ice so cold I had to rap myself up.The snow flakes was so big they was the size of a sprout.Although it was cold, I went out to play with my baby sister Leah.When It got to 8pm, I went to bed with it still snowing outside.If it was still snowing the next day, I couldn't get home from India with my mam and family.

Mr Temple

28/1/2013 01:46:00 pm

An excellent recount. I was really impressed with how you used openers with commas towards the end.

kieran

24/1/2013 05:21:44 am

Last night i seen a snowman not just a snowman a white glistening snowman which looked as it was real. It's white as a angel from above. Just standing thier with twigs for arms buttons for eyes and mouth a fluffy jacket to keep it warm and a long curvy orange for its nose. Its a beautiful sight to see. Not moving a muscle no not one. It seemed to have a yellow wet splodge on its foot. Then the snowman faded away day by day.

Mr Temple

28/1/2013 01:47:38 pm

How sad that he faded day by day! I liked the phrase "Not moving a muscle no not one." Don't forget to edit your work at then end - how could you change your 3rd and 4th words?

An interesting idea.

Millie

24/1/2013 09:27:51 am

The snow was as cold as ice and felt like touching glitter. It smelt of fresh air and water. It blew fast and hard all over the sky. When it hit the ground it was a soft white blanket that had just been lay on the ground. People played, making snowman and snow angles, throwing snowballs and sledging down all the hills. No one cares a bit about the coldness. When you stood on the snow it felt like standing on a cloud. After all the excitement and laughter, everyone goes in and waits for more snow to come they can play tomorrow.

Mr Temple

28/1/2013 01:49:23 pm

A well thought out description. You capture the excitement well.

Look back at your tenses: some are present, some are past tense. Try to keep the tenses consistent throughout.

Niall

25/1/2013 07:44:30 am

The snow was glisting off the moonlight snowmen standing still as a statue and still there was still snow falling down snow angels being covered by the falling snow the snowflakes each as beutiful as another snow comes down I woke up the next morning and there was snow people throwing snowballs people slegeing it was beutiful wrapped up so warm with hats ang gloves scarfs and Wellys and on the other side I see ice rink and people skating and people falling over and I was tired when I saw the snowflake it looked like it had been dropped on the earth by angels it was perfect

Mr Temple

28/1/2013 01:50:41 pm

A happy description. However, the lack of punctuation is a shame. It would help the reader so much and show what you are capable of.

justin

25/1/2013 07:44:48 am

The snow very cold however you can eat it is like eating ice cream. The snow was rushing down like it is raining and then it turns in to to snow the rivers or very slippery and more dangerous than anything in the world. The snow is very good for playing with snow you can play snowball.

Mr Temple

28/1/2013 01:51:42 pm

You have started to develop your ideas but it is worth going back and rereading what you have written. Try to write a little more next time.

Ethan

25/1/2013 07:58:31 am

As the snow shines in the moonlight, you get to play in the snow with your magnificent sledge you can go down a huge hill that people can take you out by hitting you with their sledge.
Then, you can go for a snowball fight however you can hit people in the head with a snowball. Although people get hurt by snowballs then they start to laugh. The snow is as slippy as an ice loppy pop. This makes them fall on their bottoms and everyone starts to laugh. When the snow disappears it is sad because you can not throw snowball at your family.

Mr Temple

28/1/2013 01:53:58 pm

You certainly have had lots of fun in the snow. Well done for using an Although and When sentences.

Can you think of a more formal word than 'take you out'?

Ebony

25/1/2013 08:47:44 am

When i touched the snow it was cold as ice and i felt the snow and it was like eatting a nice cake.The wind was blowing all the blized of snow and taking it with it.When it layed it felt like a cold blanket and it was nice and fluffy.People have a good time making snow men .and sledging and haveing a snowball fightand they still have fun.When you lay in the snow it i slike a big patch of cloud.After, all the great and happyness everyone gets all the snow off there wellies and the go in doors and have a nic ewarm bath and then just relax.

Mr Temple

28/1/2013 01:54:57 pm

A good description. Well done for using adjectives for description and some openers.

Don't forget Ebony: I not i!

Caitlin

25/1/2013 09:09:51 am

I looked out of my window and there it was, the snow i looked around for a while, without warning l out of the corner of my eye I saw a giant and what seemed to be a glass snowflake it was beautiful i had never seen this wonderful sight before! I stared at it for a very long time until eventually it fell. It was so amazing days like this make me really happy to see the snow! And not just complaing because of the cold weather instead think of all the nice things

Mr Temple

28/1/2013 01:56:25 pm

A glass-like snowflake! Lovely, with a positive note at the end.

Ben

25/1/2013 10:42:34 am

The once green fields are now covered in frost and snow which glistens like stars floating in space. A snowman in a distant field has a black top hat as black as the magical night sky, also he is wearing a red and green checker scarf around his plumped neck, it has a carrot nose as orangey as the sun, he has real buttons of all different colours neatly down the centre of his body, his eyes are made off bottle lids and his arms are made of curly twigs freshly snapped of a tree, leaning against the sick is a mighty cane standing tall and still!

Mr Temple

28/1/2013 01:57:47 pm

A detailed description of a snowman. It allows the reader to 'see' him. Terrific ending too!

Hollie

27/1/2013 04:40:26 am

When I walk up I looked out of my window my garden was covered in snow you couldn’t see my trampoline, the grass or my bird bath it was all covered in snow. I said to myself I have to go outside, so I got warm clothes on and ran outside with my sisters and my dog Pip. Me, Lucy, Abbie and Pip went on our sedge and slid down the garden. It was turning dark me my sisters and Pip went in.

Mr Temple

28/1/2013 01:59:07 pm

Excellent recount. Well done for using commas and capitals accurately.

I wonder what other openers you might have used? After a while, Later on,

Katie

27/1/2013 10:18:38 am

The delicate snow fell heavily on the icy,cold path.Glittering like hundreds of marvelous diamonds,It gently fluttered down from up in the dark black sky where the stars shone like gold.The icicles hang like daggers from the window pains.Tree's are coated with white.Children play and make snowmen with orange noses as orange as the amber traffic light,laughing and staying out for ages as if they're imune to the cold.Soon,it's time to go as it gets dark. Eventually the path couldnt be seen and all that is left is a few faint footprints.

Mr Temple

28/1/2013 02:00:33 pm

A vivid description. The first two sentences are packed with wonderful similes. You've used apostrophes well - can you see where you don't need one?

Martine

1/2/2013 07:07:46 am

WOW!! That is really good. you should write that in a wordle.

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