Great work
You could of used more full stops at the end.
And you have written orange in bold twice you should have only do it once. I think your story will be better if you used more openers.
But keep up the good work.
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Mrs Fine 100 WC Team
6/10/2013 12:54:12 pm
Hi Micah
I think you have been very imaginative in your use of the 5 prompt words, and your story is completely believable. I really like your opening sentence where you use an 'ing' word to start your whole piece which gives a familiar, conversational feel to the recount. At this level of writing it is important to be careful about punctuation - check out the exclamation mark and subsequent capital letter in the last line - how should this be written?
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Mr Temple
6/10/2013 03:07:30 pm
Micah, what a fantastic start to your story! Beginning with an ing word then great punctuation like ! and later on you use 'tedious' instead of boring.
You have edited some parts well but perhaps not the last couple of lines, where you need more full stops. Can you see where?
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