Great work.
You need more full stops in.
I think your stroy will be better if you have more openers with commers.
I liked how your story, at the end it ended with ...
Great work keep it up
Reply
Mr Temple
6/10/2013 03:14:48 pm
A great story, Drew - full of action as always. I didn't realise your dad was a magician!
Your punctuation is very accurate but interesting too. It would be even better if your story was all in the past tense. Can you see where your story is written in the present tense?
Also, can you find a synonym for 'gobsmacked'? Use the iPad or a thesaurus to help you!
Reply
Curtis
8/10/2013 05:11:41 am
Fantastic and thank you for my comment you realy thought about this and it payed of.
Reply
Miss Raddon (Team 100wc)
9/10/2013 11:33:26 am
Well done for entering the 100wc Drew! I really enjoyed reading your story. I think it would be even better if you wrote all in the same tense. Keep up the good work :)
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply.
Author
We are Year 6 at Tanfield Lea Community Primary School, a primary school in County Durham who want to broaden our horizons and to show the world what we have to offer. We are using this blog to explore web design, write creatively and as a wider audience for the class' talents!
We are very keen for links with other schools, both in the UK and internationally. Please contact us via the comments boxes!
Our topic for the Autumn term is the Normans, looking at the architecture, sources and impact of the Norman Conquest of Britain.